


sand castle

by 2kids



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Author Is Also Heavily Projecting Onto Characters, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Indulgent, bad metaphors, technically college.... methinks...... but whatever it's set at a mcdonalds parking lot who cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25408633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2kids/pseuds/2kids
Summary: donghyuck has a breakdown at a mcdonald's parking lot. jungwoo finds the solution to be ice cream.
Relationships: Kim Jungwoo/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	sand castle

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of a continuation to [ghost sightings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071648) but they're not related and you don't have to read the other to get this one
> 
> no hard warnings, there's implied anxiety and if worrying about academic success hits a little too close to home... i warned you

Out of all the shitty places to be and shitty events to happen in life, crying inside his car at a McDonald's parking lot at 3 a.m. must be the worst one Donghyuck has ever lived. 

It's a June night, hot enough to bother one’s sleeping schedule but still cool enough to not have your limbs sticking to each other from sweat. At this time of the year, Donghyuck should either be at his house, sleeping, or at his boyfriend's house, sleeping. Maybe on some rare occasions, he would sneak out with Jungwoo, go stir up some trouble and pretend they did nothing the next morning. Not this, never this. 

The problem? Donghyuck is a senior, graduating in two weeks, and the final exams are a pain in his ass. 

Now he is nowhere near a bad student, not good either but just  _ there _ , scoring high enough to stay afloat; it’s different this time for some reason Donghyuck can’t tell. He’s been giving his all into studying for weeks, barely setting a foot out of his door unless for food or bathroom breaks- which is unhealthy on its own- and yet nothing manages to get through his skull.  _ Like a child digging the sand. _

Imagine being a child at the beach, salty water dried on your skin and a wicker umbrella shielding you from the scorching sun. You have a little plastic shovel in hand, digging down into the sand so you can build a little castle. You dig, you dig, you dig. The sand, as if it’s sentient, slides back into the hole whatever you do. You dig, the sand slides. The cycle continues. You get frustrated, the sun burns your back. Your efforts mean nothing at the end. You’re a child, you’re digging into the sand, and there are bigger powers at work- there’s no way you can build your castle.

Donghyuck is the child, digging into the sand as he tries to somehow engrave everything in his head, but nothing ever stays. Anything he learns vaporizes itself minutes later- almost as if he never did at all. Donghyuck keeps digging, sand slides back. What’s the point at trying, if nothing’s ever going to help? Why keep plunging your shovel into the sand if it’s going to keep falling back in?

A louder sob than before climbs its way out of Donghyuck’s throat, and Donghyuck slaps his palm over his dry lips to muffle it as if anyone is nearby to hear. The parking lot is empty. Everyone with the smallest bit of common sense is home, anyway. Donghyuck is the one who found it to be a good idea to throw himself out of the house for some fresh air in his lungs before he lost his cool.  _ Fresh air _ , meaning the suffocatingly humid hot summer air that does not help much when it comes to breathing. Another reason Donghyuck’s ribs have this tight of a grip around his lungs.

_ I need to calm down.  _ But how, exactly? It’s Saturday. The final exams start on Monday, and bile burns the back of Donghyuck’s throat to think of taking them because he’s going to fuck up. Donghyuck isn’t a pessimist, he has the habit of telling things as they are in this situation, it’s the truth. He’s indeed going to fuck up. Donghyuck isn’t worried about failing, what scares him is knowing that he’s certainly going to fail. 

How do you stop a car going on full speed with broken brakes from crashing into a wall? You don’t. You close your eyes, brace for the impact, and hope you survive. Donghyuck is, rather than preparing for the crash, is still trying to make the brakes work- a lost cause. Dig at the sand. 

A smarter person- not that a smarter person would be in this situation in the first place, but bear with him- would have given up ages ago, accepted defeat and looked for a way to recover. Donghyuck, on the other hand, has this unbreakable stubborn side to him which Jungwoo often berates him on and that prevents him from ever admitting the truth. 

(The fact that Jungwoo, who always lives his emotions to the maximum, has to be the logical side says a  _ lot _ .) 

While we’re on that, it should be mentioned that Jungwoo is another reason behind all this.

Donghyuck knew from the start that Jungwoo would leave their town for college before he did, that they would either break up or settle for a long-distance relationship. Much to Donghyuck’s comfort, Jungwoo was the first one to state it clearly that he wasn’t going to break them up because of distance-  _ I’m willing to wait for you as long as you still want me.  _

There’s one itty bitty problem: Jungwoo is not an average student and he did not end up at an average college either, whereas Donghyuck is barely above average level. Just perfect.

In summary, this is Donghyuck’s one and only chance at getting to spend his time with his boyfriend again and he’s going to blow it. Much to panic about, right? 

Donghyuck angrily wipes his fingers at the tears collecting under his eyes, shifting his stare to the digital clock of the car. 03:47. His stomach hollows as he realizes what he’s done- how the  _ fuck  _ did Donghyuck manage not only to get out of the house silent enough to not be seen but also start his car and drive away? It’s a miracle. If his mom notices this Donghyuck is doomed.

_ I need to calm down.  _ Kicking his slippers off his feet, Donghyuck lifts them and digs his heels into the seat so that his knees are folded against his chest and he can hug his legs. Forehead to the knees. Breathe in, breathe out. Don’t think. Put the shovel aside, bask in the sun. Listen to the waves. Relax.

Without moving, Donghyuck manages to slide his hand towards the car door to get the window down and allow the salty, humid breeze in. It sends a shiver down Donghyuck’s spine as it brushes over the hair sticking to his nape with sweat, causing Donghyuck to curl up further into a ball. At least it’s silent, so he can sit there in peace. Silent, meaning no human sounds- cicadas are chiming together among the bushes, a dog barks every once in a while and the sea waves periodically hit the shore. Peace.

For god knows how long Donghyuck sits there, frozen, not letting himself move or think or do anything other than breathing. But that’s, as he places his chin on top of his knees, when he realizes it’s time to accept defeat. What’s it going to do to keep beating himself over this? Why keep digging when the sand falls in again and again?

_ Jungwoo _ , echoes in Donghyuck’s head and his heart aches with yearning. It’s been months. Donghyuck wants- no, needs nothing more than to open his heart to Jungwoo and have him be awfully honest. Jungwoo doesn’t sugarcoat, and Donghyuck needs it- needs him. Then again, Donghyuck doesn’t want to bother Jungwoo while he’s also probably busy with his exams. That doesn’t soothe Donghyuck’s pain, though.  _ I miss him so much.  _

The passenger door opens.

Donghyuck's heart leaps in his chest to the sudden action, and he has to bite down on his lip  _ hard _ to keep himself from screaming as a familiar figure makes himself comfortable on the seat.

"Hiya," chimes Jungwoo with his wide grin under the hair that touches his cheekbones- Donghyuck concludes he hasn't gotten a haircut in a while. 

Inhaling, Donghyuck calms himself down. "So now I'm hallucinating."  _ It would make more sense than him being here. _

Shaking his head with a throaty chuckle, Jungwoo does a very Jungwoo thing. Before Donghyuck has the chance to react Jungwoo’s hand lunges and pinches Donghyuck’s forearm. Roughly. Donghyuck hisses with the sharp pain stabbing into his flesh.

“What the hell was that for?” Donghyuck clutched his arm close, glaring daggers at his boyfriend.

Jungwoo is grinning from ear to ear. “See, you aren’t hallucinating.”  _ Asshole. _

,

A side of Donghyuck wants to lash out and pinch Jungwoo back in return, but he settles for a reluctant pat on the back of Jungwoo’s hand. “Couldn’t you prove that in a nicer way?”

“What, do you want me to kiss you instead?” Glad to see Jungwoo is as irritating as Donghyuck remembers. Though Donghyuck can’t get mad at him, not when Jungwoo flips his hand around and slides his fingers through Donghyuck’s ones to squeeze them firmly. 

Donghyuck nudges Jungwoo’s arm with his elbow, an instinctive smile easing itself into his face. “I thought that was obvious?” 

Jungwoo clicks his tongue in disapproval, Donghyuck is aware he’s joking- okay, maybe  _ half  _ joking. “Always so demanding,” laughs Jungwoo while leaning in closer. 

Closing his eyes, Donghyuck flashes a smile. Jungwoo’s free hand cups Donghyuck’s cheek in a sweet, although sweaty, grip before Jungwoo’s lips meet Donghyuck’s ones in an equally sweet kiss. All Donghyuck can do is sighing wistfully and holding onto Jungwoo’s hand tighter while they stay unmoving. Jungwoo’s thumb circles over Donghyuck’s knuckles. Donghyuck, surprisingly, doesn’t notice Jungwoo’s chest rising in sharp breaths again and again.

When they break apart after what feels like forever, Jungwoo doesn’t forget to press his lips onto Donghyuck’s nose sweetly- his signature. The reason being Donghyuck having a pretty nose, in Jungwoo’s words.

It’s ridiculous how slow Donghyuck’s brain works, but it truly hits him that Jungwoo is here only then. Embarrassing indeed but in Donghyuck’s defence, it is 4 am. 

“Why are you here?” blurts Donghyuck a second later, fluttering his lashes in surprise. 

Jungwoo chokes back on a laugh, shoulders jerking back. “Ouch.”

_ Collect yourself.  _ “I meant- I thought you wouldn’t be back for at least one more week?” Donghyuck thanks the dim yellow lighting of the street lamps outside for graciously hiding the blush burning onto his cheeks. 

“Oh, yeah.” Jungwoo shrugs, sinking back into the seat in a comfortable position while still grasping Donghyuck’s hand. “My finals ended in advance and I thought I’d surprise you, so I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t gonna stick around in the dorms for longer than necessary.”

Donghyuck leans his head back. “I’m glad you did.”

Jungwoo gives his hand a firm squeeze. “Though I thought we’d, you know, meet somewhere more… I mean…  _ not  _ at a McDonald’s parking lot, at least.”

Admittedly, it’s ridiculous. “You’d prefer Burger King, I know.”

Donghyuck’s completely serious tone seems to get Jungwoo for a split second. “It’s… odd, and like, babe… I don’t know how to put it nicer but it’s  _ four fucking am. _ ”

Donghyuck snorts. “Guess I have some explaining to do. How did you even find me?” 

“Your sister,” states Jungwoo in a matter of fact tone. “Imagine poor little tired me, standing in front of your window calling you over and over again to come meet me. After the fifth call, your sister picks it up and tells me you left in all of a sudden an hour ago. She has no idea why or where you went. So much for a peaceful meeting.”

Guilt bites at Donghyuck’s stomach. “I can imagine you panicked.”

“Panic?” Jungwoo tests the word on the tip of his tongue. “‘Panic’ isn’t the word I’d use. It falls a little too weak.”

A sigh is what Donghyuck replies with, averting his gaze. “I need to stop acting on impulse.”

Jungwoo shrugs, and for a second Donghyuck thinks he genuinely fucked up this time before Jungwoo brings Donghyuck’s hand to his mouth for a quick kiss. “I like it when you’re spontaneous.” 

“Always the optimist.” Donghyuck shifts in his seat until he can lean against Jungwoo’s shoulder, which Jungwoo promptly supports by moving closer. 

“I do think it’s poetic how I managed to find you by gut feeling only,” whispers Jungwoo over Donghyuck’s hair. “I figured you’d come somewhere near the shore and then just walked around until I found your car.”

Donghyuck can’t help his smile. “And you thought it would be romantic to slip inside without a warning and give me a heart attack?”

The corners of Jungwoo’s mouth twitch. “Don’t tell me  _ you  _ don’t like it when  _ I’m  _ spontaneous.”

“Not when it’s ‘four fucking am’,” Donghyuck bites back. Jungwoo’s only response is a whining sound while rubbing his nose into Donghyuck’s hair playfully. 

“I just wanna know…” Jungwoo’s reluctant tone drops a whole rock onto Donghyuck’s chest. “...are you okay?”

_ What do I even say? _

Donghyuck knows Jungwoo, probably better than he knows himself, and he’s certain Jungwoo wouldn’t judge him or if Donghyuck chose to keep it to himself he would never, ever force Donghyuck into speaking. Donghyuck does want to speak up. What if it guilts Jungwoo? After all, the issue comes down to him living away. Donghyuck can’t do that.

The exhale that escapes Jungwoo’s nose is ragged. “I… I don’t want you to feel forced into revealing anything, but… god, Donghyuck, this- this isn’t something you would do randomly. I’m  _ worried.  _ If you don’t wanna tell me then that’s fine, I’m fine with holding you until you feel better or doing whatever you want… I just want you to be okay.”

Fingers tighten around the shovel. “There isn’t much to do,” says Donghyuck within a single breath. “It’s just that I’m definitely gonna fail my classes and I can’t do anything about it.”

Thinking it is one thing, admitting it out loud is another. The words leave a sour taste on Donghyuck’s tongue as soon as they leave, like chewing on a sour candy and its taste changing drastically in a moment. Now that he’s said it out loud, weight crushes his chest. Fate is inevitable.

For the moment Jungwoo stays silent, Donghyuck wonders what’s going on in his head. The silence stabs through his skin like thousands of needles, deeper and deeper until Jungwoo, at last, lets his hand go. Donghyuck doesn't get the time to process that before Jungwoo's arm is around his shoulders and his face is squished against Jungwoo's chest. 

"I'm sorry," mumbles Jungwoo while his other hand starts to soothe comforting circles on Donghyuck's back. "Are you sure you will, though? Or are you thinking of the worst case scenario as usual?"

"I know." Donghyuck doesn't get to do much of a nod while pressed against Jungwoo. "I've been studying for weeks and nothing fucking works. I won't make it."

Jungwoo squeezes Donghyuck's shoulder. "You always say so before scoring well."

_ Ever the optimist.  _ "It's different this time."

"Says who?" Jungwoo's voice turns louder for the one second before he forces it down again. 

"Just… just stop," whispered Donghyuck weakly. "Please. Encouraging me won't make me feel better."

Jungwoo leaves a warm kiss on top of Donghyuck's head. "Alright, you know what- who cares if you fail?"

Donghyuck almost laughs. Almost. "Jungwoo…"

"No, let me finish." Jungwoo pats Donghyuck's waist. "No one does perfectly every single time, not in exams or cooking or whatever hobby they like. We're  _ human _ . We're not perfect… and that's okay."

A light feeling surrounded Donghyuck in an instant, with the dark still gripping his heart. "It's not failing that bothers me."

Jungwoo sounds perplexed. "Then what?"

Donghyuck hates it with every inch of his being that he said the rest within a single breath but otherwise he isn't sure if he could find the courage. "Do you realize that if I fail I probably won't make it to college with you? And I can't stand another year without you. I can't do it."

"So the problem is you missed me?" Jungwoo sounds a little too cocky for Donghyuck's liking. 

"I'm gonna kick your ass." And Donghyuck does try to do as he says, but the hand he lifts to smack Jungwoo's arm gets blocked with Jungwoo's hand as soon as he does. 

Jungwoo gazes at their now tangled together hands, smiling. "I'd like to see you try."

Naturally, Donghyuck gives up. "Asshole."

Jungwoo holds him tighter- as well as the car allows. "Joke aside, did you really miss me that much?"

"Yeah…" It's a bit embarrassing to admit. "It was hell, I had no idea how lonely it would be... I lost my best friend and boyfriend at the same time."

"I missed you too," Jungwoo says and his voice cracks just slightly, but enough for Donghyuck to know. "Gotta admit, it's  _ boring _ when no one wants to get in some trouble."

Donghyuck laughs confidently. "I'm the best partner in crime you'll ever have."

"Damn right you are." Jungwoo goes quiet for a moment. "But… you know what? You're too hung up thinking about the future that you can't live today. We have the whole summer ahead. Even if I have to leave alone at the end of it we still do. That's all I want to think of."

Isn't Jungwoo right? Donghyuck shouldn't spend their precious time brooding. He can't push away the worry in an instant and pretend nothing is wrong but he should, at least, try to live the day. Maybe the sand needs some water. 

Deep inhale. "You have a point."

"Don't I always?"

"Don't make me regret agreeing with you," Donghyuck clicks his tongue as he shoves Jungwoo's hand in a playful manner. "But I do think we should just make the most out of the time we have."

Jungwoo flashes a mischievous grin. "Good- let's go."

Donghyuck, dumbfounded, only gets to watch as Jungwoo opens the door on his side quickly and steps outside. "What?"

"We're getting ice cream!" Jungwoo's bubbly tone doesn't fit the time or place, but Donghyuck has learnt how to handle it.

"Isn't the shop closed?" There's this large ice cream store down the street known for their expensive ice cream, though the impeccable taste and the cheery servers make up for it.

Jungwoo stares at Donghyuck in disbelief as Donghyuck steps out of the car and turns to lock the doors. "Walmart, Donghyuck. I'm a broke college student and you're a broke high school graduate. Excuse me for not wanting to spend my weekly allowance on ice cream."

"High school  _ yet to  _ graduate," corrects Donghyuck with a grin. "And ice cream is ice cream, anyway. Cheap or expensive."

Jungwoo beckons Donghyuck closer with a finger curled into his palm. "That's what I'm saying."

In the span of five minutes, Jungwoo and Donghyuck have bought their ice cream from a cashier that seemed bewildered to even have a customer at this hour- like Jungwoo says,  _ spontaneous _ \- and are walking by the shore, hands still locked stubbornly. Donghyuck doesn't think he'll let go of Jungwoo any time soon.

The time must be near 5 am, Donghyuck concludes. He hasn't slept tonight and sleeping during the day isn't his thing and yet he doesn't feel tired, not at all. Blame the ice cream. Or Jungwoo. Jungwoo is Donghyuck's battery, of some sort- Donghyuck likes to think it goes both ways. 

And Jungwoo has a point. Donghyuck has to stop worrying about the future and ruin the days he has. Not like his very presence doesn't encourage Donghyuck into working harder, but a bit of the worry is gone from his shoulders and that's all Donghyuck could ever ask for.

He's going to try. If it doesn't work, there's another way. Simple as it is.

(Sometimes, you need to let someone show you how to add water to the sand before building with it. That's okay, too.)

**Author's Note:**

> [ **twt**](https://twitter.com/wayvrising) ┆ [**cc**](https://curiouscat.me/wayvrising)


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